


i do

by bi_lovely



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, But he has to, Drabble, F/M, M/M, Sad, and sherlock doesnt wanna watch, but its not sweet, he just wants to be with john, i mean its short, im broke so dont ask me to pay your therapy bills, im sorry for any psychological damage this may cause, its just sad, its not short and sweet, john and mary are getting married, my deepest apologies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 21:06:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7907641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_lovely/pseuds/bi_lovely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I do,” Sherlock breathed it out, not even audible, at the same time that Mary announced it proudly. He just had to say it, just once, before John was married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i do

“Mary Morstan.”

Sherlock couldn’t help but think to himself,  _ No, that’s the wrong name _ , even though it wasn’t. 

Mary stood there, facing John, her hair pinned up with an exquisite veil falling from it. Her dress fit her like a glove, she stood tall and proud and she looked at John with this look of pure adoration, love,  _ longing  _ — Sherlock knew that look well, he’d worn it himself far too many times to count. Mary was as radiant as the smile that she wore on her face, beaming at John, turning to Sherlock to give him an excited look, which he responded to with a forced smile, then looked back to John.

“Do you take John Hamish Watson to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

_ Here goes _ , Sherlock thought,  _ here it is. I’m going to lose him forever.  _

It was his own fault and he knew it. He was the one who left John, let John believe he was dead when he abandoned him altogether. It hurt, more than he could ever say, that in his own absence John found Mary. 

“To have and to hold from this day forward,” the priest continued. 

_ I want him so much,  _ Sherlock thought.

He was so close. Sherlock could reach out and touch him if he wanted to — oh, how he wanted to — but this was his wedding day and though Sherlock was widely oblivious to the nature of humanity, blind to what matters to people, he’d never been blind when it came to John. 

So maybe marriage was stupid, maybe it was just a piece of paper and some vows that wouldn’t even matter twenty, thirty, forty years down the line, but it was important to John. 

“For better or for worse,” the priest went on.

It was important to  _ John _ . 

“For richer or for poorer,” and on and on, and Sherlock was sure he was speeding up as if the man were eager to complete Sherlock’s doom, “in sickness and in health…”

Whatever views Sherlock held in regards to marriage, he had to look past them for John. He had to set aside his feelings for John, now, and accept that he gave away his chance to hold John — kiss him, have him,  _ love  _ him — the moment he dropped off that building. 

And if Sherlock knew, deep down in his heart, that he would have gone through the tedious preparations and signed the goddamn paper and put himself through the pointlessness that marriage was if only for John, if John was his, well, he had to set that aside, too.

“...to love and to cherish until death parts you?”

“I do,” Sherlock breathed it out, not even audible, at the same time that Mary announced it proudly. He just had to say it, just once, before John was married. 

Maybe it was a coincidence — Sherlock hoped it was a coincidence, no matter how many times Mycroft reminded him there was no such thing — that John glanced over his shoulder at his best friend for just a moment then quickly turned back to his bride. 

Sherlock told himself that the unshed tears in John’s eyes were happy ones, told himself that he’d only seen John’s face for a moment so he’d obviously misread the expression on John’s face that had looked so  _ sad. _

He had to set it all aside. No matter how much it pained him, he had to set it all aside. 

**For John. **


End file.
